Let’s sum up the weekend quickly. Friday night involved dinner at our friends, a raucous game of Cards Against Humanity and a few too many of these…
I didn’t win at cards, but when it came to next morning hangovers, I was the champ. Those sneaky Coronitas left me feeling pretty pathetic on Saturday, so I scrapped my scheduled 3-miler. I lounged on the couch instead and chilled with the family. That was bad. I felt like a loser (mainly because I was one. Let’s call it like it is.)
The good part of Saturday? My baby turned 12! Here he is last night with his second birthday cake of the weekend (HH provides a lovely photobomb here.)
I love my new 12-year old! And he loved his new Lego King’s Castle that you see on the counter…
I needed to get out and have a good long run to finish my second week of training, and I did. The wind was calm, so I was nice and comfy the whole way, though I did feel a little like Randy from A Christmas Story. My splits got faster with each mile, and I had to hold myself back so I wouldn’t go under 9:15. It felt wonderful, and I finished with no fatigue. Yippee for me, and hooray for my new Garmin Forerunner 220 that I purchased with Christmas gift cards. I needed this thing like Anthony Kiedis needs a shirt and a stylist!
Some things you just can’t unsee…
So. Damn. Bad. I think you can skip the belt when you’re shirtless, dude.
And now I leave you with a short Monday list of Running Truths for Newbie Runners…self-evident to me, perhaps not to others. Feel free to add contributions in the comments and/or to disagree. This might become a regular segment.
If You Are a Beginning Runner:
Never do an out-and-back run with an untried distance or a big jump in mileage. Having to quit or come up with a muscle strain/cramp/injury with a long walk home sucks.
Always stretch after runs.
Never get in a race on a treadmill with some random person next to you (I admit that I race with unaware strangers to this day, but I don’t recommend it for newbies!)
Never decide one day that you’re going to start running and set a marathon as your first race (see my previous bitchy post on this topic here. And may I add that the lovely gal and fabulous blogger got sidelined with a common running injury during Jeff Galloway’s pathetic training program and couldn’t run for months. No marathon for her.)
Always invest in decent running socks, and if you’re running beyond three miles a few times/week, get yourself a proper pair of running shoes (preferably with a treadmill analysis at a running store.)
Never underestimate the potential pain of bloody nipples. If yours can cut glass when hard, tape them, men, please. Every time I see bloody nipples, I die a little inside. Please, think of me and have some compassion. 🙂
Never run in 100% cotton. You don’t have to spend a lot, but get yourself some moisture-wicking gear. Please. Chafing is a friend to no one.
Never increase mileage more than 10% per week. Did you just start running last week, got high on the endorphins and now you ran 4 miles three times already since Sunday (and it’s Thursday?) Oh my God, you are so kickass…and when you come up lame here soon, let me know. I will send you a sympathy card. Seriously…start slow. Don’t be afraid to start with a jog/walk regimen. Build up the time on your feet, with at least 70% of your running time spent jogging at a comfortable slow pace. I always put a few songs on my long run playlists that I can’t help but sing to…and I sing them under my breath to make sure that I am keeping my pace where it needs to be (and just to show you that I have no shame, I will list those songs at the end of this post.) Your entire body–muscles, ligaments, tendons–needs to get used to the pounding of running. It’s not just about willpower. I want you to be a lifelong runner, so don’t get hurt or give yourself a chronic injury right off the bat. Oh, and if you are one of those exceptional people who was born to run and can just take off like a fricking gazelle with no running background? I hate you :-). Mazel tov!
Always be thankful. Every run is a gift. A good run puts you closer to nature, closer to your pure sense of self. Your heart, lungs, legs, everything working together, testing your mental and physical limits…it’s pure perfection, and so many would love to be doing what you’re doing. Take a moment to appreciate it.
And finally…Always act promptly when a BM feels like it falls off a cliff into your lower bowels and then starts chug-chug-chugging through your colon. Take it from an experienced (average, but experienced) runner…the time to act is now! Just google “chocolate rain” if you have a strong stomach.
Happy running, readers!
Cheesy-ass songs I check my pace with because I can’t help but belt them out: We Belong Together by Mariah Carey, Giving You the Best That I’ve Got by Anita Baker, Jukebox Hero by Foreigner, Forrest Gump by Frank Ocean, Love on Top by Beyonce, Solid by Ashford and Simpson, Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds, We’re in This Love Together by Al Jarreau, Takin’ It To the Streets by the Doobie Brothers, Baby-Baby-Baby by TLC.