Ass, Prepare to Get Kicked!

So lately I’ve had a solid commitment to mediocrity.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been running random slow miles here and there…just enough to get overheated and cranky.  

I’ve run slow (constantly!) when I’ve intended to run fast and vary my pace.  These runs have been kind of like drinking a Merlot.  They’re serviceable, but they aren’t going to take me to great places.

I’ve skipped runs when I needed to drag my rear end outdoors and get it done.  These skipped runs have been like not drinking when everyone around me is having a fine Burgundy.  I miss out on something great, and I hate myself.

I have excuses, of course.  Here they are in no particular order…

I’ve had friends in town.

Here I am in this next pic with my dear friend June from Texas.  She and her husband stayed with us last Thursday through Sunday, and they will be returning tomorrow to stay through the 4th.  We’ve shopped, hung out with our stud hubbies, stayed up late talking and listening to music, eaten waayyy too much food and indulged in more than a couple of bottles of wine.  YOLO, ya know?

I am just realizing that I’m wearing the same citron hoodie in this pic that I wear almost every day.  So I say to myself, Bitch, vary your outfits!


It’s hot.

Well, except for the last few days, it has been anyway.  This girl runs extra slow in the heat (like we all do.)  I’ve had several runs where I was running slow but felt like I was sprinting because of the heat.  And BTW, does anyone hate inner elbow sweat like I do?  It makes me surly when it runs out of my inner elbow crease and starts dripping off the back bony part of my elbow.  I try to tell myself that it’s good calories that shall surely melt my muffin top, but deep down I know it’s just pesky water weight that I will promptly put back on–probably with the next glass of wine and 1,000 calorie meal.

I have kids.

It’s true.  I know I look 21 and all (ha!), but the fact is I am 40 with two kids and a deep desire for beauty rest.  I have been sleeping in and trying to do a few things with my kids. This means that I’ve shortened some runs and skipped others.

Here is my youngest cutie patootie with his cousin today.  Are they not the most precious things you’ve ever seen?  Of course I think so…

ImageAll of these excuses are pathetic, I realize.  I’m tired of being a loser.  SO–I’ve bit the bullet, called no mas!, and signed up for a 4-mile race on the morning of the 4th (American Independence Day, for non-American readers, which I’ve seen many of, and thanks for reading!)

You may have noticed that I don’t run many races.  Here is why…I am a total nerd who doesn’t like to run races of any distance unless I feel like I’m running near my potential.  I know it’s silly, but I have a hard time with my competitive personality showing up for runs knowing that I’m not in great shape and am going to suck more than I have to.  Not that I don’t always stink it up, relatively speaking, but I don’t want to finish any lower than I have to, and if I know that I’m going to run pretty slow compared to my best, then I don’t want to do it.  I can’t just sign up and tell myself, “Oh, just go and have a good time!”  It’s not how I roll.

Getting beat by a bunch of people is one thing.  Getting beat by a bunch of people while I lumber along knowing that I haven’t been running well enough/frequently enough/smart enough lately is another.

I’ve decided it’s just what I need though.  I need to see people fly by me while I watch them go and know that I would be outrunning them if I’d just applied myself.  

I need to get my ass beat.  It will be great motivation, right?  And I’ll be done by 8 am and ready to begin celebrating the day.

I hope you American readers have a wonderful 4th of July.  Be safe, watch out for those fireworks and take a moment, as I will, to feel ridiculously blessed to live in this generous, free, wonderful, imperfect, but beautiful country.

I think I’ll load up my race playlist with some patriotic tunes.  I’ll throw in Neil Diamond’s America.  A little Lee Greenwood God Bless the U.S.A. will surely make the cut.  Ray Charles’s version of America the Beautiful is gorgeous, as is Johnny Cash’s Song of the Patriot.  R.O.C.K. in the USA by John Mellencamp?  Living in America by James Brown?  Comfort Me by Tim McGraw?  I think they’ll all be on there—and given how slow I’m going to run, there’s room for all of them!




6 thoughts on “Ass, Prepare to Get Kicked!

  1. Sometimes all you need is a little motivation and it seems like signing up for a race may be it for you!! I think you should also consider adding Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA, and unrelated to the USA theme, Cher – Woman’s World. If you not yet heard this Cher song, you should give it a listen, it’s great for working out!


  2. Good luck getting your ass kicked tomorrow! (And I totally agree – sometimes that’s all you need to get your own ass in gear.) But do enjoy several glasses of wine afterwards! Red wine is patriotic. Right?


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